Holding on to your nerves, grounded in nothing but your imagination. The focus is off. It’s amazing what the mind will do, if left to its own devices. It wants protection from what? You can only decide that.
For the last two weeks, there has been a woman missing just a few miles from my house. The last time she was seen was in the very grocery store I go to buy over priced vegetables when I don’t feel like making a trip to “town”. She drove right my past my house to get to the forest that she entered on May 8th. The only thing was, she didn’t come out. Her car was found there by police, her cell phone and back pack sitting curiously on the front seat. The keys left casually behind the drivers tire, as in typical free-spirited tradition. I am the one always in full support of these things. At the core of my values is caution to the wind, doing what we want, enjoying nature respect, but without fear, the idea of strong independent women taking on life with full forced enthusiasm. And yet, when Amanda Eller went missing, my very core beliefs were shaken. What had happened? My soul felt like it lost one of my own. The sadness turned to fear as my imagination began to take the best of me. We didn’t know what happened. Had she met with foul play? My imagination of the worst possible scenarios began to play in my mind…did she try to run? Should she have played to their requests, only to try to outsmart them in the end? Who are they? Who or what are we trying to survive from?
The fear inside of me began to take shape in many unwelcomed forms. I had nightmares of being attacked; the sounds outside my jungle cabin began to take on new and wild sounds similar to a horror movie. I imagined people hiding in my car, in my outdoor bathroom, behind every corner. It’s amazing how quickly your body can go to flight or fight mode for no reason other than what tricks the mind can play.
This is not how I, Felicity Powers, live. My husband reminded me of the time I was lost in the middle of the night in the slums of Mumbai or when I was on a sailboat in the Bermuda triangle about to run aground on a reef. Or when I hitchhiked across the country with complete strangers and truck drivers. Why was this situation so much more difficult for me? For me, it was the unknown variables that shook me. When I know what I am dealing with, I can find solutions. The fear of the unknown predator is truly different.
The sickly feeling inside of me was not acceptable. My bones had fear inside of them. I began to say both mentally and out loud, “Not in MY HOUSE!” My house being both my physical cabin in the jungle and also my body. This helped, as I repeated it, becoming stronger in both feeling and intention.
I tried to tap in to my center, which is love. I believe the opposite of fear is love, and when you tap into that center, the energy you exude is one of protection. It is incomprehensible to malicious intent, and difficult to prey upon.
After about two weeks of on and off uncontrollable anxiety, beating it…then it coming back. Again, not like me at all, and I was noticing a pattern of it easily coming back—not a habit I want my system to get comfortable with. I decided I needed to get a full body massage. In my experience massage can utterly shove/ force energy around in your body. With positive intent, I could free myself from the heaviness of fear.
So in the typical Felicity approach, I just I looked up the closest massage place, and lucked upon an amazing masseuse who practices ancient Hawaiian Lomi Lomi massage. I told her about my fear and she began the massage with an ancient prayer of safety. The massage was clearing, as I breathed deeply into my intentions for Amanda and for myself.
The massage ended, I got up from my blissed out state, and glanced down at my phone. “She’s been found, ALIVE!!!” My body was in immediate pins and needles of elation. She had been lost in the jungle for 16 days, survived, and was found by a helicopter within minutes of my massage ending. The lightness and gratitude of Amanda being found has carried me for almost 24 hours now. I am truly grateful for those that didn’t give up in finding her, and still remarkably shocked at how powerful the mind is in creating or deleting fear from our lives.